u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
