Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
