i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
