I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
