explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
