so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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