my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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