I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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