I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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