Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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