Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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