I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
