I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
