I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
