they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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