walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
