dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
