You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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