this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
