how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
