need another drink. this is the easiest way
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
