i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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