i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
