I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
