some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
