You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Small penises have feelings too.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
