I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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