remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
