I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
