I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
