why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize