thus making me awesome and them whores
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
