so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
