Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
