my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
