do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
