please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
