We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
