Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
