Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
