Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
