So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
