Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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