Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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