If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
