just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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