I didn't shave. On purpose
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
