Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
