does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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