were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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