I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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