I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
