you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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