as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
