Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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