Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
