So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
