I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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