I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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