i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
