that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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