So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
