is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
