Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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