I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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