last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
