Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
