I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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