My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Are we still banned from the library?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
