On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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