You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
