I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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