please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Plan B is the new Plan A
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
