Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
