dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
sarcasm needs its own font
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
