So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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