Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
