ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
