She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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