She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
