I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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