AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
