Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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