Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize