hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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