Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
