Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
