just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize