He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
